What Does Fullmetal Do For Fun?
by secret25
Summary: Roy Mustang wonders what Ed does for fun. A bit of fluff and hint of shounen-ai.
**A/N: I should be writing my critical analysis of Shakespeare's** _ **Twelfth Night**_ **, but I'm not because I thought of fanfiction and procrastinating seemed like a better way to use my time…**

 **-Timeline and setting is vague (Random drabble).**

 **ENJOY!**

 **What Does Fullmetal Do For Fun?**

"What does Fullmetal do for fun?"That was the question that had started it all.

Roy Mustang had often wondered about his subordinates in the past. It was a habit for a bored mind. He thought of a questions and fantasized about the possibilities both plausible and un-worldly. It served to pass his time, provided entertainment and a reason to not do the paperwork piled on his desk.

Each of his musing would start out as a question, which would lead to thinking of an answer, which would lead to the inevitable –asking the person the question he'd been wondering about.

The first time it happened was when he wondered about Riza Hawkeye. His question had been if she had a healthy love life – in essence "Did she date?" It was a simple enough question that should have been obvious, but to Roy Mustang it seemed like his First Lieutenant just didn't have the time. At the same time though she was at the prime of her life, much like all of them were, there was no way that she didn't. She was scary, but she was undoubtedly gorgeous and kind. Mustang had mused about this question for about a month and when he could no longer entertain himself with the possibilities he had decided to ask Riza herself.

It was the day that Mustang realized that despite her strict demeanor, Riza was a woman who was in touch with her sexuality. Mustang had never regretted asking because as it turned out Riza had been more than willing to share. It had also made their relationship more open. Since then Riza became more comfortable talking to Mustang about her personal life.

It had started out to be about entertainment and for the most part it still was. But as it turned out his musing became the start of understanding his subordinates and getting to know them outside of the persona they put on at work. After Riza, he mused about Havoc, Brenda, Falman and Fuery.

And today, today it was Fullmetal. Mustang knew about Edward's life, perhaps more so than anyone on his team. Equivalent perhaps to what Alphonse knew, but what was different was that aside from his mistakes, his fears, he didn't know trivial matters concerning Edward.

It's been about 5 years since they got their bodies back and Edward though no longer capable of doing Alchemy still found a career in the military that made him spend most of his time studying alchemy.

Roy mustang pondered about the possibilities and he would give himself a month before he actually asked the man himself. He and Edward were civil with one another, after all they've both grown older, but Edward didn't really seem like the type to converse about "meaningless" matters or matters not pertaining to alchemy, work, or Alphonse.

For four weeks Roy thought of the possibilities.

Week One:

 _I bet Fullmetal has a secret obsession with soap operas. He grew up in a small country, -they watch that don't they? He lived with women all his life so he has to have been exposed to it. He probably never misses a show, like maybe that one TV show about the girl that gets lost, gets amnesia and is adopted by an evil family. Fullmetal probably cusses at the TV and the characters that do stupid and irrational things, but never moves to change the channel. Or maybe he bawls at the sight of the leading lady and her prince charming confessing their love. Maybe for all his strength, Edward bawls and sobs at TV shows._ Mustang laughed at the idea. He could just picture Edward on the couch, at the edge of his seat wondering for the umpteenth time if the girl's going to get her memories back or if the evil adopted family will finally be put in their place. Mustang smiled. If Edward did do this, it'd be a good thing. At least it was one less thing to worry about and one more thing to ease his mind. Edward's had a rough life, simplicity is all he really needed.

Week Two:

 _What if Ed was in a Rock band? A drummer maybe? He has coordination and rhythm he could probably do it. Drums are loud. He's loud. They fit well. A guitarist? Does Ed have the patience? The flexibility, the dexterity? I don't know, but he's probably not a guitarist, after all I play the guitar and I don't think I really want to think about him stealing my thunder in that regard. Hmm… Maybe his instrument isn't made out of wood, metal or plastic. Maybe he's a singer. He's loud, but when he wants to be he's pretty reserved. Maybe he sings in the shower, maybe he sings in front of a crowd. Maybe he sings for a local restaurant or club back in Risembool. A calm and cool voice, full of wonder, hope and experience. A country singer, R &B maybe?_

Week Three:

Mustang didn't like to repeat questions but sometimes curiosity had a leading hand.

 _Ed's young, he doesn't have too much friends, but he's known as the Hero of the People. He's young, but he's not a kid anymore. I bet he dates. A young man at the prime of his hormones? There's no way he hasn't made his way in to a couple of beds in Central or Risembool. He practically travelled the world, there's no way he's never been invited to warm up a bed. He probably hides it from his little brother and his lady friend Winry, but I bet he gets around, he's just quieter about it than I am. He's probably slept with the young Rockbell too. Oh what a life it is when your young. I remember when I was that age I couldn't stay I one place or with one girl for too long. It's a good thing he and I are from different generations, otherwise I'd be competing with him for the ladies._

Week Four:

 _Maybe he was a vampire! Maybe that's why he hates waking up in the morning! A werewolf maybe? He's fierce. Oh! Maybe the gate made him in to a Zombie! Maybe he was a ghost, a mafia member, an assassin or –I got it! A leprechaun!_ Mustang laughed out loud. _That's got to be it! A green outfit, with bells and a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! It would explain why he's short. Hm maybe he was a giant in the world of leprechaun like he was the King of Leprechauns. He can't get mad at me for thinking he's a shrimp, I made him a king! His own fairy tale-like kingdom and everything! He probably enjoys... St. Patrick's Day! Or playing the flute or waiting for people to find the pot of gold._

Mustang started to laugh hysterically, but his musing were cut abruptly when he heard his door open.

"Hey General Bastard. You haven't gone insane have you?"

Roy looked to the direction of the door, well speak of the Leprechaun! Mustang stifled a bout of laughter.

"Edward, a pleasure to see you. Turning in a report?"

"Yeah, thought I'd do it early since I'm planning on going to Risembool this week. Winry's getting closer to her due date and Alphonse is freaking out about being a father. I can't way to make him more miserable!"

Roy smiled, he knew that despite all the teasing Edward was just happy that Alphonse was no longer in that suit of armor, that it was possible for him to have had a son, a wife, a family that seemed to have been impossible while he had just been a soul in a metal vessel.

Edward laughed, "It's gonna be great!"

"Anyway Bastard, what are you going hysterical for?"

Mustang stared for a moment. It had been a month already and this would be the usual time that he would ask. Since Edward was off duty now maybe he should?

"I was just entertaining my musings."

Edward sat down on the couch and looked as if a light bulb had just turned on. "Oh! You mean that thing you do when you think about a question you want answered about your subordinates?"

Mustang raised an eyebrow, he hadn't been aware that Edward knew he did that on occasion.

"Riza told me. She said it's what stupid people do when their bored." Edward grinned, "Who's your latest victim?"

Roy decided to ignore that jab at himself, he wanted answers after all, to satisfy his curiosity.

"Funny you should say victim, it's actually you."

Edward laughed, "Me? Are you that bored? What's your question?"

"Well, it's simple. What do you do for fun Fullmetal?"

Edward tilted his head to the side as he slouched further in to the couch. "I read about alchemy."

Mustang sighed. "That isn't related to alchemy, work or Alphonse. What do you like doing for yourself, for fun you know?"

Edward smiled, "You know, that stuff _is_ fun. I can't do alchemy anymore, but it's still fun reading about the theories. Work is about alchemy so that's fun too, and Alphonse is Alphonse."

"You don't enjoy doing anything else? Reading about something else maybe?"

"I don't really know why you do this. But you knowing educating myself is fun, but just to satisfy your weird obsession about questions. I enjoy reading."

Roy was about to interrupt when Ed raised a finger to shush him.

"I wasn't done. Recently I came across a few works of literature written by William Shakespeare and I've read through his entire work. Well almost all of it. I just a have a few left. He writes romance, tragedies and comedies. He writes well and it's enjoyable. I also had my own musings because of it. As I read through it, no matter the genre, his works, like _Twelfth Night, Rape of Lucrece, King Lear, As You Like it, Merchant of Venice_ they all had a similar "theme" if you will.

A master such as a duke, the master of the house, a King, or _a_ high ranking officer _,_ has a servant, butler or a subordinate that professes their loyalty and their love. So it got me thinking General Bastard that if you lived in Shakespeare's own little world you'd have a subordinate, probably someone like me making a speech about you.

Commenting on how much of a bastard you are but also about how in touch you are with your humanity. Or how you can be fickle but ambitious, loyal and feared, weak but strong and how humble and kind you can be. You hold a beauty few can claim with eyes as dark as night yet as warm as the fire you control. A head of hair that gleams in the moonlight with ruby red lips and pale skin. With a fair virgin's smile but with a tongue of a siren. Then I'd probably proceed with swearing my loyalty and love purposely vague if I mean it romantically or platonically."

Mustang stared. "What?"

Ed smiled, "If this was Shakespeare's world I'd profess in prose, in iambic pentameter, in a soliloquy, in a monologue and perhaps even rhyme. Too bad this isn't Shakespeare right Bastard?"


End file.
